Before we leave the house for a long drive to go somewhere, we would make sure that our daughters’ go pee first. There have been numerous occasions where we drove long distance and they need to pee when there were no toilets nearby. And we would be in panic to find one quickly. I’m sure those of you who have potty trained your child could relate to this.
Sometimes, my husband and I tend to insist that they go pee even though they tell us they don’t feel like it. Totally our fault that we do that because we don’t want their toilet requests to be an inconvenience for us when we’re out.
One day last weekend, my husband asked my 5yo to go pee before we went out. She said she didn’t feel like it. But he insisted. So she went to the toilet and pretended to pee and came back out. We knew she didn’t because we didn’t hear the flush.
Her dad was upset by this because she outrightly lied that she went to pee. Even when we were already out and about, he was still quite hung up about that.
Luckily, I saw what was going on.
My husband was upset that his daughter had lied.
My daughter lied because she just wanted to pretend that she did what she was told so that we would back off about going to the toilet already.
Before things got ugly, I met my husband’s need to be acknowledged that he was upset about being lied to. And then, I offered him our daughter’s perspective – the underlying reason why she lied. She was being pressured to do something that she didn’t feel like, so the only way to get out of it was to lie about it.
It was an Aha moment for both myself and my husband. Then, he didn’t get upset anymore and he quickly understood the situation. He would know, he hates it when he is being pressured to do things.
Since then, we still remind the girls to go to the toilet before we leave the house but if they tell us that they don’t feel like it, we listen.
No more lies after that.
It’s easy for us to get caught up with our own stories and beliefs about our children’s undesirable behaviours. Sometimes we can get too caught up with it and we take it so personal that we fail to see how we can remedy it simply by looking deeper beyond the ‘bad’ behaviour.
I admit, I have these ‘stories’ made up in my head and I get frustrated at them for triggering me. The best thing I can do in these moments, is that I try my very best to make the conscious effort to clear away and let go of these old beliefs and see things for what they truly are.
I wonder if you can resonate with any of this?
It’s the same with baby & toddler sleep. Parents who come to me would tell me they have big issues with their baby sleep but after their session with me, they realise it’s them who need to change. Change of mindset and beliefs about what their baby is trying to tell them with the sleep issues.
This is what I want every parents that I meet to know. They don’t necessarily need to change the way they parent their child but if I could bring a new awareness of understanding their baby or toddler, that would make me so happy.